3rd Pregnancy: Previous Uterine Rupture

Rahim pecah. Rahim koyak. Ruptured uterus. Uterine ruptured.

Many words. All the same meaning.

Rasanya memang tak pernah upload gambar apa-apa tentang almarhumah Nurfatihah. Kebanyakan hanya cerita tak bergambar. Nak upload gambarnya tak sanggup/kurang baik, sebab dia meninggal sebelum sempat lihat dunia luar. Cuma disimpan dalam diari untuk tatapan peribadi sahaja.

Dah bertahun aku mengGoogle tentang uterine rupture (atau kadang kala dikenali sebagai ruptured uterus) tapi kebanyakan yang di Google jawapannya tidaklah memuaskan persoalanku. Rata-ratanya teori semata, bukan pengalaman peribadi. Mungkin tak ramai yang share dekat blog/website/FB, mungkin kejadiannya membuatkan orang tak sanggup nak cerita kisahnya pada orang lain, mungkin juga kejadiannya sangat rare, atau the worse case scenario, mungkin juga yang mengalaminya umurnya tidak panjang.

My hands are shaking as I am typing this entry. I'm relieving the nightmare of my uterus exploding on that fateful day. 4 years have passed, yet I can't get rid of the paralyzing feeling of standing alone in the First Class ward of the hospital, feeling the excruciating pain of having a hot 'blade' slashing my uterus from the bottom up, unable to stand up straight or call out loud for help. It must have been sheer miracle that my husband came in the room at that moment. The minute he saw blood was flowing down my legs and the pain in my face, he frantically called for help. By the time the whole room was filled with doctors, I knew in my hearts of hearts my baby was dying...

I'm not going to share the sebab-sebab atau kenapa benda itu boleh berlaku. You can google it for yourself. Needless to say, there are about a thousand sebab why this can happen. Suffice to say it's something not everyone has the 'privilege' of going through it. Even the doctors at that time came up with a hundred reasons, although without an autopsy on the dead body (the baby or mine), nobody can be a hundred percent sure why. The only thing that they can say is that, the last contraction was so deadly and strong, it tore the uterus into 2. So the 3rd pregnancy (if I ever get pregnant again, they say), I've got to avoid these contractions and be operated on the 36 or 37 weeks the most. There's still a few weeks left for me to enjoy the sun and rain. Then after that, who knows?

I'm going into my 23 weeks right now. The old scar's sometimes throbs horribly. Sometimes I can't even stand or sit properly. It's not the caesar's scar that's making me tensed. It's the ruptured ones. I'm making weekly appointment with the doctors. Sometimes the days are ok. Sometimes I have to lie in bed all day, feeling the new life kicking and swimming in my stomach. It aches and stretches at times, seolah jahitan lama merenggang. Harapnya tidak and just my old fobia.

The doctors had said this last operation will be critical. There's an adhesion between the bladder and the wall of the uterus. So they've got to call some 'bladder' experts or such to sew up any luka once that starting carving up my stomach. Erk. Pendarahan yang tidak dapat yang diberhentikan boleh menyebabkan kematian. Double Erk. The previous scars (located on the left second of the uterus) extended 8cm up and 4cm down. So you can imagine how long the stitches that's inside me and I should think, the uterus is smaller than its original size (no wonder la kalau sakit dan sempit).

This kejadian happened when I was still under observation of the doctors in the hospital. Scans, CTGs, whatever-have-yous. Even if we're under the care of the medical experts, surely there is one thing we should not forget. However knowledgeable, cautious you are, He's our maker, and to Him our souls rightfully belong. Sebaik-baik perancang, perancangan Allah paling terbaik. Wassalam..